#bc we usually don't have a lot of young girls. most of the women in these shows are adults

[pftones3482]

I don't participate in the Arrowverse fandom much anymore (for good reason), but I didn't realize how many people HATED Sarah in Superman and Lois until recently and I am just absolutely baffled by it.

"She's disrespectful to her parents." She's a literal??? Teenager???? And not just that, she's a teenager whose mother is the mayor (more pressure on her as her daughter to behave properly) and whose parents are actively undergoing a divorce (a divorce where Sarah found out her father was c h e a t i n g). Anyone who has worked with kids and knows anything about child psychology can tell you that divorce can cause literal trauma in the children of the parents. Now imagine your parents are divorcing because one of them cheated, and you're caught in the middle of it, and you found out about it during your fucking quinceañera.

Also, her (ex) boyfriend's dad is SUPERMAN. That's gotta put a WORLD of anxiety on her shoulders that wasn't there before. Imagine you find out that someone you're incredibly close to has superpowers, and his dad has superpowers, and now you're very well aware that THEY'RE the ones being put in danger all the time.

Shove all that on top of the hell on earth that's been going on in her hometown the last three seasons and uh...yeah. I'd be a little fucking sassy and snippy with my parents too.

I find it interesting that these people whining about Sarah never once bitched about Jonathon or Jordan being disrespectful to their parents (and in fact, I saw MANY posts about people bitching about Lois being too hard on them. Hmmmmm I wonder why that is).

If you're threatening to slap a fictional teenage girl (and yes, I saw posts about people literally fantasizing about hitting her) for being a little sassy, maybe you should stop watching TV all together.

[astrologydayz]

ASTRO SEXOLOGY NOTES🔞 - NATAL CHART3

Venus in 12th house, or 5th/8th house ruler in 12th house can get into "love" affairs while being on vacations/retreats/In foreign countries/while they're in a hospital/psych ward, and even in prison

Mars square/quincunx MC makes u so damn fine! U can carry yourself a bit "rougher" tho/look unapproachable = "people being intimidated by u", & u being a little "what the fuck u staring at", and we love it💋🤣. People with Venus conjunct/trine/quintile Eros asteroid - 433) r really sexual individuals. But they most of the time need a "personal connection" of some kind, before jumping in2 bed with someone. They ooze sexual confidence tho, because they know what they want&need sexually🤤🫦. Casanova asteroid - 7328) in Libra/7th house/aspecting Jupiter can “stray" away from their partner, quite easily. They can quickly find somebody else, that they find more "fascinating". They get bored fast! But this mostly applies 2men tho💻📓.

Inner planets in earth signs = very sexual beings, so idk what the fuck people r on about. We just don't fuck the 1st John we c on the street🤷‍♀️. Really picky when choosing a sexual/romantic partner, and we also need 2 know that you're trustworthy 1st. But when you finally pull through, we'll show u what freaky means😘.

Scorpio Mars in/8th/12 house in a MAN'S chart can go 4 hourssss 😵‍💫😵‍💫🫠🫠. Unless Mars is afflicted by other planets, like Saturn, or Jupiter. Saturn ruled people got piercings almost always - body/head/genitals🫦👅). Saturn rules piercings, (restriction, and Steel). Add a little pain 2 the mix, &😍.

Pluto conjunct Mars in a MAN'S chart = some serious sex appeal. They're so fucking smooth2, and have no problem with showing their dominant side. They can easily steal yo girl⚠🍆🔮. Everyone wants a piece💦🙄🤣👄.

Venus/Mars/Pluto in 3rd house likes 2 talk during sex. "U like that baby?" "tell me how much u want it", "yeah I like it, when u got your mouth full🍆🍑". They also get off on how much u can "out smart them" - Book smart or Street smart, either way🧏🤭🤓.

Sun opposite Black Moon Lilith can look for sexual partners that looks, or reminds them of their dad🤷‍♀️(Daddy issues).

Funny how people say that Mars/Venus in 8th/8th house in Scorpio people gets more interested, if u make us jealous??? I will literally erase u🫠🧐. If we wanted to share a person, we would have gone 2 a strip club instead.

Venus square Jupiter does not mean that the individual is "addicted 2 sex", unless anything else shows so.

Jupiter in 9th house/Jupiter aspecting 9th house can show that u have big hips/big thighs/long legs💛👅.

Asteroid Varuna (20000) conjunct/trine your 7th house means that your sexual partners makes u famous, "worldwide attention" because of who u date/have close relationships with✨. If it's in Gemini (example), then u could date famous singers, actors, motivational speakers, things like that.

POF conjunct 5th house can cause the individual 2 be very experienced in the department of love, by the end of their lives. They've dated a lot of different people most of the time, and have had all kinds of relationships - polyamorous with some, monogamous with others - examples.

Records asteroid - 30718) conjunct/opposite Mars in a MAN'S chart, can show that he "enchants" people (usually worldwide) with his sex appeal🤤🫠. The opposition shows a "complication", when it comes 2 this = wanting 2 break records for your talent/s/work, & not only4sex appeal👽.

U don't have 2 have Venus/Mars aspecting each other 2 be fine af/gain a lot of attraction from others bc of your looks/sex appeal. Look at Zac Efron - when he was young, Jungkook - BTS, Tupac🤤, Jackson Wang, Hyunjin from Skz, Rihanna, Marilyn, Austin Butler, Justin Bieber - I don't think he's hot, but some people do - I could keep going.

Women with Mars/Venus conjunct/in 8th house = typically sexually attracted2 "misunderstood individuals" - "someone who's bad, &only good4her" kind of thing. She needs an EVERYTHING BUDDY! A loyal lover/best friend/partner in crime! someone who will never doubt her, but challenge her/someone who brings a healthy amount of “competition"/sexy bantering. She also want someone who's REALLY ready2dominate the fuck out of her, bc she's so used2 dominating people on a daily basis💁‍♀️.

Eros - (433) conjunct 11th house = being sexually attracted 2friends/finding fwb relationships 2be the perfect "arrangement"🎉💃.

Mars conjunct/trine "Dominiona" asteroid - 24899) in a MAN'S chart = a VERY sexually dominant man😤👅. "Big daddy takes little daddy energy" - they can command 10 men like that🤌. Won't let anyone try2run up on em, at any time🫠🤤. Masters at dominating "brats"2, they'll put yo ass in place babe💋.

Venus quincunx Eros asteroid - 433) shows us that an individual typically feels like they're not as sexually "appealing" as people say they r/they won't believe others words. They won't "realise" that they're sexy as hell! They let their insecurities speak4them a lot. But once they start getting that “self assurance/self confidence” = they'll quickly realise that they're the shit, when it comes 2 "seducing" - "enticing" others❤️🍒.

THANKS4READING!!!

APPRECIATE U, ALWAYS💋

[pokegyns]

my hot take is that on radblur a lot of conversations about how hard separatism is are immedietly labeled as lesbophobic one way or another. usually bc they mention how selfidentified separatist lesbians will tell straight women how easy not dating men or being celibate is. I'm not saying lesbians oppress straight women, nobody ever says that in those conversations, but it's obviously full of shit, celibate lesbians, who aren't doing it for safety reasons, are either uninterested in romance or didn't find their dream girl YET. this is nothing like refusing to date when you have the desire purely out of principle. while there are other aspects of separatism not dating men is obviously the bulk and I'm not surprised when straight women are salty bc this is literally "Luigi wins by doing nothing" of feminism. you wouldn't have dated these men anyway...

and this is on anon bc saying "lesbians do this thing" is considered lesbophobic even if lesbians actually consistently do this thing 😁

not all lesbians etc etc but you get what I mean

i honestly agree. i'm personally a very romance-driven creature, and i know 1000% that if i wasn't a lesbian, if i had either been bisexual and fallen in love with a dude or been straight, i would never have stopped myself from feeling that love and still done feminist activism within that relationship by holding him to a very high standard and maintaining strong feminist friendships, monitoring things in a smart, emotionally intelligent way, and taking all the happiness i can out of life while also being a badass activist.

some of the hardest working female activists had happy marriages to men! and still made a huge impact, at times bigger than some separatists who scoffed at them and wasted their time just talking shit about women all day. separatists do awesome work, work that often is really valuable especially for young girls who feel like they have to dedicate their lives to dating. but if a woman gets a huge amount of happiness from dating, and is willing to be firm in her feminist convictions and handle it in the way that some non-unhinged so-called "femcels" do it, then i'm all for it and i'll be happy to hear her gossip about her bf anytime the same way i get happy hearing about my lesbian friends' gfs. seeing women happy makes me happy, i just want them to have a really good safety net and to know what they're getting into, and i love seeing male-dating women and transmascs exchange tips on how to date bio men as safely as possible and juggle dating a man and being a feminist. saying that separatism is inherently The Most Feminist thing you can do erases work that ONLY women who date men can do; they still hold something that men desire, and they get to make the rules. they also at times end up being the mothers of the next male generation, and that too can be a very powerful position to hold, as controversially as that is to say on doomerist radblr, if only because it can lead to some level of harm reduction on female kids & their female teachers etc. instead of letting only conservative women bear future kids and populate the earth - because we know they will regardless - raising kids in a feminist household can prove to be very valuable. you ofc can't prevent them from being radicalized down the line, but you can still have a meaningful impact.

it's really weird to try to explain to normie leftist-ish women irl who aren't deep on radblr that saying "you can date men and have kids and be an awesome feminist regardless" or "i personally want to see humanity continue, i don't believe in ending it, i want feminist mothers raising the next gen" or even "i believe transfems face unique struggles" can lead to you being mocked, shunned, and get hate anons outta nowhere (though nowhere near the shit i've gotten in tra circles lmao). it's a really wacky culture we have going on in here, and ngl it makes me cringe. it's just so... unproductive.

i 1000% want separatism to be an option. i think it's a great side of radfeminism. but i personally want to tackle issues between male and female people by actually interacting with the male population meaningfully and figure out the issue of gncphobia ppl - including male ppl - face so that the gender boxes can be destroyed... and even that recently got me in trouble, despite me being a lesbian and obvs not dating men. chronically online spaces in general foster really extremist views that aren't helpful at all to any social movement. we can gather more separatists for the movement and let male-partnered feminists do activism their own way. obviously i've received lesbophobia from the other side as well, but i'm honestly sorry for the way that lesbians and het-attracted women generally uninterested in dating treat women who enjoy and benefit from dating emotionally. having a romantic partner is a huge part of my life, and i can never see myself give up on it. it would then be insanely hypocritical of me to expect it of someone else just bc we happen to have a different sexuality. even if a febfem ended up falling for a man and going through with it, that wouldn't be a betrayal either! female happiness is my #1 priority. and no, that isn't me being a hetero bootlicker or male apologist or whatever the fuck separatists have called me before in radfem spaces. i'm just being realistic. is our main goal as feminists to abolish the hetero dating scene? bc if so, we're gonna have next generations full of conservatively raised kids, including male kids, who will then be more likely to be sexist.

thankfully normie feminists irl, who aren't deep in either extremist tra or extremist radfem spaces, would be in total disbelief if you told them about this stuff. and they would just go back to their activism. and i think we should do the same. don't listen to those voices, do what's right for YOU in your heart. just maintain your convictions, don't let male ppl trample all over you, ditch them the very second they say anything antifeminist or shitty, and chase your happiness. your personal life does not need to define your feminist activism. you are still 100% welcome here, in this nuancefem corner of radblr!

-mod pikachu

[youremyheaven]

so well put, I think people underestimate how much the way you dress effects how people see you. People limit their creative expression because they get caught up in their features, the way their body looks, etc. when the truth is people just love and gravitate towards beauty and art... if you're someone who adorns yourself beautifully and makes that a part of yourself, people will find you beautiful 🤷🏼‍♀️ I am usually considered beautiful and yes i am a healthy young woman lol but other than that I don't see myself as having one over any other girl, every girl is beautiful and can learn to alchemise it in a way. Also yess! If I go out in a hoodie or something I find myself invisible too lol, or at least blending it more.

I live in Australia!! It's a thing here, people don't dress up lol or wear colours. I definitely relate to what you're saying about being the only one to dress up for class 😭💜 I think a lot of people admire when somebody carries themselves with that level of class and artistry, I'm sure lots of people commend you for it :) (and ofc the Venus men are eating it up) hahaha

The aussie culture is reaaally casual and I kinda love that, it's a chill place to live but I do wish there was more colour. Everyone is so... monochromatic here. I'm not muslim but we just live in a muslim area where a lot of people immigrate straight from Lebanon and that kinda thing. In this specific area, the girls who aren't hijabi just wear black leggings and a black hoodie. I be looking like a clown for being so colourful hahaha.

Also you're right!! They might be less judgy than I'm imagining. I'm still trying to wear what I like but yes, baby's safety comes first so I have to go a litttle incognito at least for now 🕶️🤣💕

"so well put, I think people underestimate how much the way you dress effects how people see you. People limit their creative expression because they get caught up in their features, the way their body looks, etc. when the truth is people just love and gravitate towards beauty and art... if you're someone who adorns yourself beautifully and makes that a part of yourself, people will find you beautiful 🤷🏼‍♀️ I am usually considered beautiful and yes i am a healthy young woman lol but other than that I don't see myself as having one over any other girl, every girl is beautiful and can learn to alchemise it in a way. Also yess! If I go out in a hoodie or something I find myself invisible too lol, or at least blending it more."

THISSSS. this is the Venusian code!!!

I feel like many women feel as though they're not "pretty enough" to dress up, when the truth is, by performing the action (dressing up) you can invoke the feelings (feeling good/feeling pretty). you dont feel pretty because you're not channelling your Venus (the Venus everyone has in their birth chart, which is the planet of love, beauty, creativity etc). its like someone saying they dont feel clean and refusing to take a shower. like if u feel dirty, then the solution is to step into the shower.

same way, if u dont feel "good enough" , u will feel it once u invest the time and energy in taking care of yourself <333 rituals are important because it makes us feel purposeful!!! a life with none is dull and dreary.

people treat u so differently based on how ur dressed,, its such a powerful tool!!! when i was a teenager it made me sad bc i thought i had to rely on it ?? to be treated in a special way✨ but as i grew older i realised that its just the clothes lol bc even the most beautiful celebrities look meh in unflattering clothes.

"I live in Australia!! It's a thing here, people don't dress up lol or wear colours. I definitely relate to what you're saying about being the only one to dress up for class 😭💜 I think a lot of people admire when somebody carries themselves with that level of class and artistry, I'm sure lots of people commend you for it :) (and ofc the Venus men are eating it up) hahaha"

Australia??? 😭😭the way u described it, i thought u lived in the Middle East 😭😭😭

they dooo hehe 🥰😌 my professors always complimented me for it as well🥰😌 (im rlly grateful for that bc i know a lot of professors/teachers, esp in india can be MEAN asf to girls who dress up) i was always the first to show up in class and i had this one professor (im dyinggg to know her birthday bc she loved me sooo much) who complimented me every single day,, she'd be like "i know if i come at this time only you'd be in class but i still come because it makes me sooo happy to see your beautiful face first thing in the morning 🥰🥰" and id be like 🥹🥹idk why but she was sooo sweet to me (everybody else disliked her bc she was strict asf)

she remembered and noticed random things about me and i remember one day i just wore jeans and a cute top to class, which is not my usual style at all (i dont wear pants, remember??) and i went to the staff room to talk to a different professor and this prof pulled me aside and asked me concerningly "why aren't you dressed up today? 😦😟 you look so pretty when you're dressed up, why did you dress so plainly?" ngl it kinda hurt my feelings lmfaooo but then i took it in my stride bc it made me realise that when someone channels their beauty, its sooo valuable to others around them as well because everybody wants to surround themselves with beauty!! and a lack of it, makes things seem dull!!

(the Venus men did eat it up 😉😏)

"The aussie culture is reaaally casual and I kinda love that, it's a chill place to live but I do wish there was more colour. Everyone is so... monochromatic here. I'm not muslim but we just live in a muslim area where a lot of people immigrate straight from Lebanon and that kinda thing. In this specific area, the girls who aren't hijabi just wear black leggings and a black hoodie. I be looking like a clown for being so colourful hahaha."

damnnn, thats so interesting. i never would've assumed that about australia (granted that its an island and most people probably just dress for comfort???). but that means, you can be the anomaly 😏😏by wearing colors!!

one thing i love about india is how colorful and vibrant it is!!! absolutely every corner of india, even the insides of rickshaws are soooo colorful and pretty!!! i love it!!

nooo girlieeee, i think you're overthinking it. unless you're wearing flaming neon colours, i dont think you'd look odd at all!!! (and even if u did, im sure u could pull it off!!)

these are all colorful lewkzz and they're also relatively modest!! idk if they're your style but i just thought id give u some ideas 😬(they're my style tho😌🤭)

"Also you're right!! They might be less judgy than I'm imagining. I'm still trying to wear what I like but yes, baby's safety comes first so I have to go a litttle incognito at least for now 🕶️🤣💕"

i understand this completely!!! do whatever you've got to do to stay safe!! (although its unfortunate that it has to mean not dressing up :((( screw the male gaze 😠😠)

[wags-confessions]

Vanja anon-

Don't know when they got back, most people say last summer when he was on Ibiza which is weird bcs how does the press know they met on Ibiza? Again, I think it was either leaked by her or someone close to her because he's fine with pap photos but won't address his relationships in public. What is true and not true is impossible to tell. Dunno about privacy, she used to have a public account and she modeled for many Serbian and Balkan brands, she's tagged in that post at our clinic so I guess she is fine with a certain degree of exposure I suppose. As for him, he never ever made a comment about an ex of his in public even though his ex gf gave a whole interview about him.

Educated and mature is such a loose term nowadays, I myself say either someone who has lots of degrees is educated or someone who has lots of unique life experience and that usually comes with age or to young adults who had a less priviledged upbringing compared to her. Mature is up for debate for me, I don't like when someone labels young women and girls "mature" sounds groomy as fuck. As for their relationship, dear god, I don't think there was any cheating involved. What I do think it's hard for him to trust anyone that he won't be used to get famous off or whatever, he keeps tight circles. He's not the type to date a career woman in my opinion, so someone who does small modeling jobs is probably perfect for him. I know someone claimed she was the one who broke up with him, but I really don't think that's true because he had another gf pretty soon after they broke up the first time. Again, I'm not saying that he cheated, but it's not impossible to say they got tired of being long distance.

Idk, he's a strange bird, in a sense of he has commintment issues but wants to husband up and have a family at the same time. I think they got back together because they knew one another well.

I do remember there being an article and there was a quote that his mother would be delighted to have her as a daughter in law because she's pretty and "educated" and I swear I never laughed harder in my life like is that the best terms we can use to describe someone who is supposed to join your family? Anyway, I find them to be a good match, they're both very normal people who are interested in the football player wag lifestyle and that's a okay. Maybe I'm a teensy bit surprised because I expected him to be with someone on his level of ambition and grit, but I was wrong. That's all

.

[golbrocklovely]

I think you are spot on about Sam not wanting to get married because he feels like it ends his youth. But realistically if him and Kat want to get married and have a family, they can’t wait til 40 because it’ll be hard for Kat to naturally get pregnant and have a safe pregnancy. Sadly us women have an expiration date on that stuff. That’s why girls got pregnant at like 16 waaaay back when.

But they are too young and not ready now. I think they’d reevaluate at like 30 or so. By then their mindset on life may be totally different. And there’s nothing wrong with them being together that long and not married. I’ve been with my partner 12 years and we are only just finally feeling like we can afford to get married lol. Sometimes it’s not about being emotionally ready, you can even decide to be together forever without having to do the legal thing. They’ll figure it out I’m sure. I still think Colby will fall hard for a girl though and randomly get married before Sam LOL

sam definitely has issues with no longer being young or feeling that way, and that makes total sense. plus, as i've mentioned a bunch, marriage is a huge step that he might not be mentally and emotionally ready for. so it's better in the long run for them to wait, regardless of if either one of them wants to do it now.

but i do disagree with you on them waiting too long to have kids if they wait until 40, give or take. 40 was just a joking number to begin with for sam. i don't really think he meant literally 40, he just meant when he was older. but also, women can have children past the age of 35, which is usually the age the general consensus likes to make women worry about not having kids at. the study that most ppl refer to when talking about having the cut off date be 35 for a woman was based off stats done from rural french women from the 1600s. so there most likely was a huge list of factors that were the reason why those women couldn't have children after 35, or struggled to. you can have a health baby in your 40s without there being complications. miscariages can happen more often in your 40s, so that's something to take into mind. but women don't have expirations dates. there is more to us than just producing babies.

the reason why a lot of women had kids earlier in life too was also bc the life expentancy was lower. and modern medicine wasn't really as modern as it is today. plus any woman can have issues getting pregnant regardless of age. and on top of all of that, if they were really were struggling to have kids, adoption is always a viable option.

but i do agree that they are too young to get married or have children. i think they both have a lot of stuff they want to do still that settling down would either hinder or would make it more difficult to do bc they were a family.

maybe i'm wrong tho. but again, whatever works for them is good enough.

and yeah, i can see colby getting married before sam, hilariously. that is, of course, if he actually allowed himself to feel something for someone.

[oh-my-damn]

Oh boy I logged in at the right time LOL. This is in response to the new ick ask, so if anyone wants to scroll who disagrees haha. I agreed with number 5 on that list as well. They made good connections on the other ones but 5 ties directly to my issues with older men dating so young.

Men who say things like they want a woman who knows how to apologize or doesn’t push back? I’m in my mid twenties and while I have been in relationships, just because of how the passage of time works, I don’t have as much insight into them as a woman in her 30s or 40s would. I go to my older cousins and mentors for advice all the time. To see older men with women my age is gross because no matter what there’s a power dynamic and with that comes the risk of being able to manipulate someone easier. I said what I said 🤷‍♀️

So yeah, I’m over Chris. There’s a reason I was never a Leonardo DiCaprio stan or something. Shit like this is a character/morals thing for me.

Once again, my opinions under the cut. If you read it and get offended or upset, that's on you. Don't hurt your own feelings lol

I absolutely agree.

It's something you won't understand if you've never been in a situation like that. All men can be manipulative, but there's something just a little more special about an older man dating a younger woman.

She can be smart, deep, mature (for her age! that's the key point bc thats what everyone always say).

Fact of the matter is that people change as they get older. They learn organically. They gain experience. It doesn't matter how mature you seem for your age, you will always lack experience compared to someone in their 40's.

Women in their (especially early) twenties are also usually in a situation where they're trying to define themselves in relationships. They won't know the pitfalls or red flags to look out for bc they haven't experienced them. Even if we think we have a handle on it, there will always be more to learn. And I think it's worrying that someone above 40 can "identify" with someone who's in their 20's. Cool dude, but you shouldn't be. It's a red flag that you do. A MAJOR one.

Now, Chris definitely fits into that box. He's never had a successful long term relationship. All of his exes have moved on pretty beautifully (most even got married/had kids RIGHT AFTER they got out of the relationship. Clearly they wanted it, just not with him.) I think it says a lot that he can't make it work with people within his age group and has now gone searching for younger girls. I always thought the rumors about him hooking up with 20 year old interns in DC was just that - a rumor. But now I'm not so sure anymore.

I'm done trying to defend him on anything. I feel bad for Alba if it really is a situation where he's controlling or manipulative. I'm not saying he is - I'm saying it fits the pattern (also the videos from the pap walk are also kinda alluding to that, ngl)

If they're happy that's great. But a lot about this situation seems fishy. It's not a coincidence they've been ramping it up ever since the WN trailer came out and its DEFINITELY not a coincidence they were "papped" the same day season 2 came out. It's also not a coincidence that the person who "randomly papped them" is the same guy as the one who took the pictures of him and Lily James in 2020 (who, btw, usually works exclusively in London and LA. lol) There was also someone on tumblr who revealed days in advance that a pap walk had been booked for Chris in NY. So they're definitely using it for PR - the question is just how deep it goes.

Either way, it's a shame it had to overshadow the entire SMA thing. That's honestly too bad. We'll see what happens. But I can't lie about my feelings. Idk when my muse will come back, all I know is that seeing his face rn makes me make this face

[oh-katsuki]

nooo, now I'm curious abt the girl bossing thoughts

are youuuuu???? i have many many many to spare.

this is mostly just my personal opinion on the trend, mixed in with some history of the patriarchy, so take it with a grain of salt. just a disclaimer.

i think that trend was born out of the pressure women face to behave in a way that allows us to fit into our patriarchal society. we are taught, from a very young age, to be meek, quiet, easygoing, nurturing, submissive, etc etc etc., especially in conversation with men. it's only been the last 80 years or so that women have taken a widely acknowledged role in society, but that doesn't mean that society has adapted to that socially. in fact, its obvious that it hasn't yet.

men have been doing the "gatekeep and gaslight" shit to us for centuries. it's actually so normalized in men's behavior within certain communities that a lot of women don't even recognize it. and it's very very commonly used to belittle the emotions, achievements, or experiences of a woman. for men, gaslighting and gatekeeping has been the norm for centuries.

women were not allowed to take roles outside of the home, women were not permitted to have their own bank accounts, women are meant to bear children, etc etc etc. we've been kept from the world stage for so long. not to mention men consistently using women's "emotions" as an excuse before proceeding to belittle them. i mean... for the longest time women were thought to make bad leaders because we "overreact".

most of the time... when we use that trend, we are literally just referring to having strong opinions. it's not gatekeeping or gaslighting. it's just a woman having a strong personality and strong opinions and being told by the patriarchy that it's wrong. so that "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss" trend was born out of women standing up for themselves, their opinions, and their beliefs without shame against an opposing force (usually men). it's a complete satire. and it's fucking funny. because women (and female presenting people) have been suffering at the hands of the patriarchy for the entirety of our existence.

so personally, when i hear that trend using words i commonly associate with men being used in something by and for women, i tend to lean in favor of it. that's not to say two wrongs make a right. don't go around treating people like shit because "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss". but i'd be fucking lying to myself and all of you if i said that behaving like an "evil woman" doesn't feel good. some guy wants to act like he knows more about shit than you do despite being equally qualified? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. you wanna make fun of him for his toxic masculinity that tries to put you in a “woman’s place”? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. someone is being a cunt and overstepping your boundaries? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. because it doesn't MEAN to actually fucking gaslight the people you're with. it means to assert yourself.

the trend doesn't apply to the real definition of those things. you're not meant to be walking around acting like a cunt when you're "girlbossing" but you are meant to be walking around acting like a man. that's the entire point of that trend. so i am going to keep being an evil woman and asserting myself and my boundaries. i will keep flexing knowledge to men who speak over me in a bitchy way. because women today deserve to get to have a joke about the way we've been treated. sorry not sorry.

i got rly aggressive in that bc I'm quite passionate. but yk whaaaaaaattt?? gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss or whatever!!!!!

[indigosienna]

Butterflies in the JSHK Manga

Volume 14 of Jshk is out and it looks stunning as usual. (AidaIro outdid themselves last month, volume art and twitter art included.)

But there's one detail about its design that sticks out.

Yep. The butterflies.

And knowing AidaIro, it most probably symbolises something, especially given that this whole volume (and arc) has had the appearances of butterflies. So it's time for some overanalyzing research.

So, what do butterflies symbolize in Japanese culture?

1. Life and death.

The most common allegory is that the lifespan of a butterfly symbolises the cycle of life: Birth (hatching into a caterpillar and growing); death (forming a chrysalis); and rebirth (emerging from the chrysalis).

And death, as we know, is already a major theme in the manga, and this arc actually confronts us with death: the onscreen death of a character we know which happens when Aoi falls into the Far Shore, and the repeated deaths of Sumire while she waits to meet Number Six again.

Hell, even the main school mystery in this arc is called Shinigami, a god of death, and the aspect of the school he controls is....life and death. No surprise there.

Another notable thing is the cover with Hanako and Nene pinned up on the wall with butterfly wings, which makes a lot more sense in this context, since Hanako is already dead and his goal is to save Nene, who has one foot in the grave.

While the life and death aspects are very clearly shown here, we're missing something. What about rebirth?

It could be something to with Nene's sudden lifespan extension. Since she was fated to die, this sudden addition would almost seem like she was reborn into a new life: one where she lives happily for a long time.

2. Womanhood.

Butterflies are also a symbol of girls growing and maturing into young women, which is extremely ironic given that Nene was never supposed to grow past her mid-teen years.

(On that note, could it also mean that her character will now mature and grow in a way we haven't seen before? Time will tell.)

Another thing this could reference is how the Akane maidens were basically brought up and sacrificed in the form of an arranged marriage (which is only done once a girl is mature).

And that brings us to the final symbolism.

3. Love.

Yeah, you know where this is going already; it's not like a lot of happy things have happened to our favourite couples recently.

At this point I'm not sure if the butterflies were also an elaborate inside joke as well as foreshadowing.

Anyway, in Japanese poetry, butterflies symbolize:

Happy marriages...

.....aaaand tragic lovers.

(If this wasn't a warning, I don't know what was.)

Expanding more on the tragic lovers concept (bc angst), it more specifically refers to two lovers committing suicide and their souls being reborn as butterflies.

.....This better not be foreshadowing.

Okay this is it for my analysis! I hope you liked this rant on butterfly symbolism out of nowhere.

Feel free to correct me or add on more! :)

[myonepiece]

can I ask what are your thoughts about people on tiktok cancelling oda for being "misogynistic"??? I'm a woman and misogyny is a huge word so I got shocked and see what they were talking about and its about this interview where female fans are complaining about the girls characters design and fanservice and he said he cares more about his male audience thats why. One piece is shounen and is male dominated, and you know how they like the non realistic big boobies and hips though I agree that there's too much fanservice and nami and robin's old design were better. But the fanservice criticism is understandable as a woman I would also like a diverse body image for women like how Isayama creates his fem characters which is chefs kiss. Oda draws them poorly (in my opinion) but I like how THEY ARE WELL WRITTEN. I love their mommy milkers but I agree the new fans or anime watchers who's gonna start watching it might feel uncomfy but setting aside their design THEIR BACKSTORIES ARE GOOD. And he writes Zoro as someone who sees women snd men equal so I don't see how he's misogynistic 😅 Misogynist hates women, Oda doesn't hate women he just said that his target audience are men bc op is shonen after all.

I literally love female characters in op they're well written comparing to other shonen that's the same age as one piece that has the same fan service but the girl is just quirky, submissive and has no personality at all. Like Naruto the women are so poorly written and could've had more potential.

Maybe its because I'm already used with the way he drew them but I really love their timeskip faces, they got more drip before I still love them especially Robin

ooo yes interesting, I hope I covered everything in this <3

TW- body image

I’m going to start by saying this is a touchy subject because my body/self-image issues are pretty bad and I don’t like talking about bodies, but I have a lot to say about this specific topic. I do not think Oda is a misogynist, as you said he does write Zoro as someone who views men and women as equal, and a mysoginst wouldn’t do that. he hasn’t done anything in the show that says he hates women, it’s simply his portrayal of them- and more specifically their bodies. that being said, I have a problem with the way he has his female characters look- of course the details and overall animation are amazing, and yes their bodies (especially boobs) are drool worthy, but he could definitely... tone it down a bit. in japan typically are skinny and have low body fat, but the more curvaceous aspect of Oda’s characters are pretty far-fetched. I get why he does it for the men watching, and while that does sound slightly misogynistic, mostly like a stereotypical misogynist, it isn’t- at most it’s sexist. I think that the way the characters look will cause a lot more body image issues in young girls (or just people in general) and that definitely isn’t his plan. it’s giving an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation of women, and maybe more specifically asian women. if he could simply make their boobs a little smaller and overall make their body shapes a little less “perfect” because seriously ALL of them have hourglass bodies except for a few of the villains. and honestly Oda, stop making the glow up so drastically!! Alvida, the large round women who Cody was sailing with when he met Luffy (the very first episodes for reference), was punched by Luffy and flew away, only to show up later and team up with Buggy but she had “glown up” because of Luffy’s punch- she lost all body fat and was left with an hourglass body shape and was then called one of the most beautiful woman in the sea. I mean COME ONE- a fucking punch, Oda?! more statistically speaking, Oda is making his characters follow the beauty standard, I realized this was accurate when Robin’s skin tone changed so drastically as well as Usopp’s, and really all of theirs did- we could have done without that. 

so back to the misogynistic aspect, Oda writes all of his character’s backstories the same, and they’re all awesome. also they typically all show power and fight, if he was a misogynist then I’m willing to bet we owuld get a lot more sorrow and weakness from the females, lots more battles fought exaggeratingly horrible and lost, or always being saved by the men (when in fact some of the men have been saved by the women). while we could do without so much “princess/female needs help saving kingdom/town/something” it’s not too bad. the fanservice is a bit extreme, I hate how they have to show so many bath scenes for the girls and how Nami usually has sideboob/boob in general showing, I find it kind of insulting myself but that’s only my self esteem issues- which I’m sure other people have and feel the same way, so you’re not alone if you do feel that way about it. and when Nami’s boobs tend to pop up from her top, I’m thinking of those scenes in the outfit she wore during the episodes she met Sanji’s brothers. and the fact that when she hugs people their faces go directly into her cleavage doesn’t need to be so drastically pointed out, we don’t need a close up or anything Oda but... thanks? 

one big thing that proves he’s not a misogynist is that a lot of high ranking characters are female; Portgas D. Rouge, Charlotte LinLin (Big Mom), Boa Hancock, Tashigi, Tsuru, Catarina Devon, Alvida, Jewelry Bonney, ect.

he also has a lot of powerful female characters that had large impacts on characters (ex. their mothers) such as: Kuina, Olvia Robin, Bell-mere, Nojiko, Toki, etc.

he also has a number of male characters that are extremely anti-misogynist like Sanji and Zoro as well as Luffy. while Sanji is slightly sexist, he shows no hate towards women, he literally worships them. Zoro and Luffy are much better example because they’re neither sexist or misogynist, neither have any problem fighting a woman. in fact Zoro hates that women are seen as weaker and his whole childhood ass well as life was impacted by Kuina who was trying to prove herself because she was a female and eveyone underestimated her and thought she couldn’t be/wasn’t a swordsman- Zoro expressed his anger at that because he doesn’t see why anyone would think that. and Luffy simply just couldn’t care less about what gender someone is.

so all in all, Oda is not a misogynist, his portrayal of female characters is sexist at most but he is no woman-hater.

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[gaterrechinha]

I hate all the anti fanfic rhetoric on this site. I've read some fanfic that was extremely beautifully written and has stuck with me for years, some that have changed the way I view the world (I mean there's one in particular I read about 10 years ago that dealt with themes of life and death that I had never seen before and have never seen since). just bc its published online and uses already established characters doesnt mean its inherently bad

also just bc its published on paper with oc's doesnt mean it's good lmao. I guarantee you everything they hate about fanfic is published somewhere in '''real book'''

also dantes inferno does in fact fall under the definition of fanfiction considering every single character was based off a real person, it was a self insert, and the entire story was based off already established Christian mythos with renaissance interpretations. that's the very definition of fanfiction lmao and pointing that out is not saying that it's the same as some weird gay fetish abo fic but simply pointing out that fanfic can be important

I hate the anti-fanfic rhetoric too.

There's a part of this discourse specific to tumblr that usually comes from young-ish people who want to profit from writing fanfic, and don't understand why AO3 will make donation drives but won't let them post a Ko-fi link. These people are either stupid or willfully ignorant. That's all I have to say about that.

However, I think the brunt of anti-fanfic sentiment comes from both it being a hobby enjoyed mostly by women; as well as the mistaken belief that all fanfiction is a cringy 12 y/o self insert porn fantasy, and nothing more. 🙄

As you said, there's a ton of very-well-written fics out there, and most popular authors are in their 30's and older. There's also the fact that not all fanfic is slash-y, a lot of it is gen. And even amongst slash-y fics, not even half of them are explicit. For example, one of my favourite fics of all time is 400k words long (for reference, the entire Lord of the Rings series - including The Hobbit - is 576,459 words) and, as long as it is, it only has two sex scenes, which are both "fade-to-black".

Obviously, and because fanfic-writing has no barriers of entry, there are innumerable horribly written fics, usually made by young authors. Which... is not a bad thing? No one is born writing like fucking Hemingway. That 12 y/o girl obsessed with Harry Stiles will keep on writing because other kids her age read what she makes, and the more she writes the better she'll get. Practice makes perfect!

You made another very good point, which is that just because a book was "traditionally published" it doesn't mean it's gonna be good. I have read so many horribly written published books it's not even funny.

Having a professional editor doesn't guarantee quality; but even then, most fanfic authors nowadays use betas to edit their work, so where is the big difference? On top of that, a lot of published authors have confessed to having written fanfiction at some point. The most clear examples are also the worst ones, because the jump from one to the other was so terribly made. We all know that 50 Shades started off as Twilight fanfic, but not everyone knows that The Mortal Instruments came from a Harry Potter fic. For fuck's sake, Neil Gaiman has said before that the book he won a Hugo award for is a Sherlock Holmes/H.P. Lovecraft fanfic. The point here is that the difference in quality between a bad fic and a bad book is huge, because a publishing house won't usually accept "trash"; but the difference in quality between a good fic and a good book is non-existent.

As for the whole "Dante's Inferno is fanfiction" bit... I don't know. I do think it technically falls under the definition, just like Renaissance art falls under the definition of fanart, but I don't think it's fair to retroactively ascribe such a modern genre to older works that way. I'm not a literature expert though, so this is just my opinion.

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

Why don't you get your nose out of what other people are into kink wise?? Because even anal is uncomfortable and unpleasant for people and they would consider that violating and triggering. If you don't like the things someone says or posts then fuck off and unfollow instead of shame them for what they enjoy. Kink shaming is not cool dude. I'm sure there's plenty of people that hate anal and you wouldn't like being made to feel like a freak for liking it. Grow up.

oh, boy, buckle up.

i brought it up in a new post, not naming her or alluding to her post, because it is something seen so fucking often both in this fandom and on the internet generally. she also specifically said for him to squeeze his arm around her neck till she passes out. if she had said something like “i’d like him to stroke my neck while i hold my breath as long as i comfortably can and one or both of us plays with my pussy till i come” i would barely have cared, and it wouldn’t have gotten me back on my soap box again. she responded to my post in a reblog and i responded back. she initiated the conversation between us with that reblog. and i responded back, trying to explain my views clearly albeit longly, once. 

men choking women is a common sexual act, a meme, and a threat online, and within this fandom. “if you don’t like it fuck off”? honestly, that’s telling women to leave the public square and go back to the kitchen and bedroom and laying back and thinking of england if they can’t handle “robust speech” or sexuality in media in public. i couldn’t be online or in this fandom if i couldn’t handle seeing it, or refused to see it. 

here’s another link on the dangers of strangulation https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/jpnj5x/how-risky-is-it-to-be-choked-during-sex

this whole “anti kink shaming” thing is just.. if kink shaming is terribly wrong, then we literally cannot criticize anything ever, bc everything is “kinky” (a sexual turn on, a fetish) to someone somewhere. and this is an old joke, but what if your kink is kink shaming? thought we couldn’t criticize any kinks?

the reality is, almost everyone, at least those with any ethical discernment kink shames *something.* if they couldn’t find *anything* that was shrouded in “omg hot sexy stuff” objectionable, i’d honestly be scared of them, and would hope at least that victimized people would have to deal with them.

what about all sorts of dangerous things that are eroticized? i’m thinking specifically about purposely seeking out hiv (mostly men), unprotected pia, knowingly exposing another to a significant risk of contracting hiv (also men; women simply don’t pose the same risk both re “sexual” fluids other than blood and how it is contracted sexually, receptive pia being the highest risk, followed by receptive piv). re: you can talk about choking, being choked, say vaguely that you should do it safely, but not talk about WHY it’s dangerous, what stats are on injury and death, what can happen, etc is like saying you can talk about pia and condoms, but not hiv or other risks of injury from it. i didn’t focus on the danger/risk of pia in my initial post, but it is high, way higher than people think or want to believe. should we not be concerned with those who want to infect other people with hiv, and people who want to be infected or is that prudish, immature kink shaming? 

i’m sure there’s things you kink shame. for example, let’s examine pseudo child pornography eg a 18-19 girl pretending to be and usually looking like a naive 14 years old or younger child, with a man in his 40s while they roleplay that he’s her father/stepfather/friend’s father/uncle/coach while he “introduces” her to sex, usually violently, with a focus on men “ruining” and “spoiling” “innocence.” is that fine and dandy? is a father with teenage or preteen daughters watching this and whacking off to it fine and dandy? considering the rates at which girls are abused by their mom’s boyfriends and husbands, what if a man living with a woman and her kids whacks off to this? what if he finds himself fantasizing about her 12 year old daughter?

how about necrophilia? what if a man can only get hard, turned on, come if the woman he’s with *pretends to be dead*? what if he strangles a woman “consensually” until she passes out, then either continues or starts to enter her with his penis? what if he tells women he can only be turned on if he inflicts enough violence on her that he could have killed her?

a few years ago, there was an rcmp cop in canada, jim brown, who was found to have a “kink” for the kidnapping, torture (including bondage and use of knives)  and murder of women. he had porn of it, he looked for women to roleplay it, he posted porn he had made online, etc. one news story describes it thusly: “progresses from an apparent street scene of a woman walking past Brown sitting on a wall; he overpowers her; he hog-ties her, and he imprisons her in a cage.In one image, Mulgrew notes, Brown appears to be wearing only his regulation-issue Mountie boots and is aroused carrying a huge knife while the naked woman cringes in terror.” he also worked tangentially on the robert pickton case (a serial killer who murdered dozens of women, mostly indigenous and mostly in prostitution). was he a man who should work on such a case? should he be a cop hearing women’s stories of male sexualized violence? should he be looking at photographic and other evidence of rape, torture, kidnapping?

to get more obviously back on topic, strangulation is the third leading cause of male-induced/violent death for women, second only to murder with knives and guns. strangulation is the second biggest red flag for lethal male violence, second only to him threatening you with death. imagine if we eroticized other leading causes of death for other groups of people: shooting someone during sex, stabbing them in the torso, etc. carefully and safely, of course. how about complications during pregnancy and birth in teen girls? that’s the number one killer of girls 15-19 worldwide. why not turn that into something sexy too? car accidents are also a common cause of death. let’s sex that up too. heart disease and cancer are big killers too. lets look at the leading cause of violent death for young black men: homicide. for black boys, it’s unintentional injury. why not eroticize what leads to their deaths too?

interestingly, the “rough sex gone wrong” defense came to the public’s attention in another strangulation murder case https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/08/nyregion/consent-sexual-assault-rough-sex.html

and here’s a recent case, a rare one in that the man seems genuine in his remorse because he quickly confessed, of a young man strangling a young woman to death in seconds. she also had an interest in it and sought it out. she died anyway. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5492075/Killer-strangled-woman-death-sex.html “the pair had a ‘shared interest’ in ‘erotic asphyxiation’ …Chloe had died in 'seconds’ after he had seized her neck during sex.”

the ads i linked to featuring men strangling women: what do you think of those? how do you feel about how it’s portrayed in pornography? is opposing those kink shaming too, because lots of people, esp men, get off on it, and the men who make that porn generally want to make such pornography and usually have a lot of hatred for women. same with those who make the ads. they find it arousing.

it boggles my mind on how things that people would get raked over the coals for if they presented as humorous, gets a free pass because some guy somewhere gets an erection from it. like that rcmp cop? can you imagine if he was telling jokes like that in a comedy club? what the same people who defended him would be saying instead? but seek out vulnerable women when you’re a white male police officer, “roleplay” with them, make porn of it n post it online n you’re the bdsm martyr of the year, cruelly punished for your private life by prudish busybodies who need to mind their own business and keep their noses out of people’s bedrooms. there’s that public vs private divide. anything sexual is private, even when public, and you cannot criticize the private. rape jokes are bad, terrible, trivialize rape and sexual trauma and misogyny, but rape play is hot as fuck. you can humor shame and speech shame but don’t dare kink shame.

now onto why i referenced anal stimulation and entry, inc pia. i did so precisely bc most females experience of it with males is rape, painful, unwanted, etc. the more it happens, the more likely it is to be rape. the increase in college age people engaging in pia is treated like a big catcally joke and proof of sexual liberation and how awesome porn is and how it’s hot sex, but it is almost universally rape for young women and girls. strangulation and choking of women is seen similarly, and women and girls are expected to eroticize, engage in, and tolerate both. i brought it up precisely bc i like anal stimulation (as outlined in that post, excluding pia) but recognize that it is profoundly harmful in how it is practiced especially for girls growing up and young women, as well as women generally. if i was glib with anal entry of women (with a penis or something smaller) in my fic or posting about what i want to do with b, i’d want people to pull me up on it. it would be contributing to this coercive, painful sexual environment women and girls are in where they don’t want it and find it painful even though they are told they should, sex should be painful for women, women are a collection of openings for male use, etc. i purposely reign myself in and keep it to myself most of the time because of this.

you cannot read panic fic, surf tumblr, etc without certain “kinks” namely strangulation (and to a lesser extent choking), and daddy kink and dd/lg smacking you in the face. similarly, if i smacked someone in the face with how i depicted anal entry of women with men, i’d hope they’d rebel against it, tell me about it, etc. by all means, kink shame away. someone engaging critically with what i post doesn’t make me fucking melt or shivel up, literally or figuratively, and if you (general you, including me) post something publicly, we can expect reaction to it, esp if it’s not a direct confrontation but a “i’ve noticed this happening on tumblr/in fic/etc…” i’d say letting undue critique roll off one’s back, or engaging back n forth as two people wish to, is growing up. and hon, i’ve felt like a freak sexually, but not for that interestingly, but for my interest in tribadism and outercourse. not severely, but it was and sometimes still is there. 

[lesbian-ed]

🌸Hi, a few years ago when I was 16 (19 now)I was forced out to my friends by this homophobic girl, and I came out as bi (still in the closet to my family), I'm no longer friends with any of them, but I can't figure out what label I should have, I really want to just know who I am. I said to them I was bi, but I've never felt right with that label. I read about comp het and it makes so much sense to me, but I still don't know. 1/5

🌸I feel, like, attracted to male celebs, but only when they’re in films or tv, and watching interviews of them ruins it?, and whenever I’m around guys I get these thoughts I can’t control about kissing them and sleeping with them and I feel rlly self conscious, I said this to a friend who said it’s a crush, but I get it with people I don’t like at all 2/?

🌸 And sometimes I have a phase where I feel like I could date a guy and marry him and have kids and be happy but it feels like I’m imagining a perfect version of me that actually im not like at all? And as well I can only imagine myself with a young guy, once I think about a 30 yr old or older I don’t want it anymore, but the perfect fantasy seems so appealing idk 3/?

🌸I feel different about girls but I don’t know I’m catholic and I feel like it’s always been other people are gay and that’s ok but not me? And I don’t know whether I feel no attraction to girls or I’m pushing it down bc when I see girls kiss on tv I literally have started crying and I saw a lesbian couple in public once and I got butterflies and also Ive found myself changing pronouns in songs in my head without realising but I’ve never had close to a crush on anyone especially not a girl 4/5

🌸Ive never even met a gay girl except for one pan girl at school but she was really weird and rude so I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like to like someone? writing this all down it makes it sound like I’m definitely a lesbian but that scares me so much bc ill never have a normal life and I can’t shake this feeling that actually I do want to be with a guy but I’m trying to be interesting or I’m faking this or something. Pls tell me your thoughts on this 5/5

Oh, anon. This literally all feels as if my younger self came into my ask box just now to ask for advice. 

I understand your pain, I really do, I went through so many of the same thought processes you’re describing now. It’s good that you’re aware of compulsory heterosexuality, since I believe that will make sorting your feelings easier. Still, I recommend you look through our tag (if you haven’t already) to read more thoughts on this. It’ll help. 

I obviously can’t tell you what your sexuality is for you, that’s your own journey to make, but this sounds so much like my own experience that I’m pretty sure what the answer is already.

Anon, let me tell you a story, I went to a catholic school and while my parents are pretty liberal and not that religious (in fact, my dad’s an atheist) I was also raised with the idea that ok, there were gay people out there, and I didn’t care what other people did with their lives! But honestly that was kind of weird and I couldn’t be like them, because they weren’t normal, like I should be. I was bullied a lot as a kid, because I was weird and ugly and way too shy and easy to pick on, so I grew up with this idea that whatever else happened, I had to stop being like that, I had to be beautiful and normal and acceptable. And that of course included a perfect fantasy of marrying the man of my dreams after he fell in love with men when I suddenly grew up to be the most beautiful woman there was, and having kids, and holding down a successful job that I was happy doing and having lots of money and well, just having the most perfect life. How could I not want that? Ever since I was old enough to walk, society fed me the idea that this was my ideal endgame, how could we ALL not dream about that at some point? 

I used to be obsessed with those stories where the “ugly” girl suddenly turns beautiful and the Nice Perfect Popular Boy finally notices her and they get together, those stories were my dream life. As a kid and young teen I’d fantasize about them constantly, I’d make up characters that would always end up fulfilling those same tropes. It was the way to prove to all those who ever called me ugly or belittled me because I was nerdy that “see? I got the happy ending” so when I was twelve, and suddenly all the girls were having crushes on boys I felt nothing for, while I started noticing seemingly out of the blue just how incredibly beautiful so many girls my age and older were, I got veeery scared. I couldn’t like girls like that, I wasn’t like that, I was already weird and had no friends, so how could I ever hope to find a girl who liked girls who’d like me? And if I did, everyone already hated me, so how would I bear it? The stares and the insults and the danger we’d face if people saw us together on the street? So I pushed that attraction down as far as I could, I convinced myself I was actually just too inmature to start thinking about crushes and all that stuff, and obviously when I was mature enough and the time came, I’d like boys, because that’s what Normal Girls did right? And I had to be normal.

In my school’s equivalent of US’ eighth grade, a new boy came to our class, he was pretty, and friendly, and most importantly, blonde! and he was the school sports star! It felt like every movie-like fantasy I ever had come to life. Every girl was in love with him, so one time I had a dream where we were dating. I woke up being absolutely ecstatic, that must have meant I had a crush right? I liked a boy? I was definitely straight?

I never actually began feeling nervous around this boy, or looking at him any more than usual until I had this dream and decided that meant I was in love. I told a friend eventually because I was excited about being in love and the fantasy I had created for myself about our perfect relationship (which did involve us kissing and having sex, and I never actually felt turned on about it but I did imagine it a lot because it meant we were In Love, so those fantasies happen even if you don’t actually like like the person in question, dw!), and isn’t that what you do when you like someone? Gossip about it with your friends? She told some of my bullies and the dude found out, so he started laughing at me in the middle of the class and calling me ugly and saying he was traumatized at the mere idea of me liking him. 

And I… felt nothing. I was angry of course, and sad, but it was just the same anger and sadness I felt when some random I didn’t like made fun of me, it wasn’t even like what I felt when former friends said nasty stuff about me. And I wanted to be heartbroken I wanted to wallow in the misery and the drama of it, but I just wasn’t, it was the same “well this shit sucks and I’m angry about it but it happens everyday so wyd?” There was no deeper feeling there, not even any special resentment, there was nothing. I never felt anything ever again when I looked at this boy.

Now, sometime later, the same boy starts dating a girl from our class, and it was around the same time that I was coming to terms with the fact that the latent attraction I had started to feel for women when I was younger had never actually gone away but rather had grown. Things were purely about sexual attraction for me at that point, not romantic feelings. I hadn’t actually been in love with a girl either by that point. Because even tho I was accepting my sexual attraction to women, I still had the idea in my mind that ideally I would end up with a boy, because when so much of my hopes for the future relied of me being beautiful and a man falling in love with me forever and ever so that I could have a normal future, letting go of that dream took a while. I called myself bisexual for a while, only to realize very little later that it didn’t actually fit me. When I did, it was hard, because I had to re-come out again to my mom and the two friends I had told, and that really scared me, because I felt like some fake, like what I felt was not actually real. I put it off, and my friends & mom were accepting but they also were like “you’re just confused about your sexuality!!/this is just a phase!!” so that fed into my insecurities. Even when I realized I was sexually into women only, I still hadn’t fallen in love with one, so that made things more confusing for me (I hadn’t fallen for any boy other than the one I mentioned earlier and one I met on a vacation that thought I liked for like a week because he had a pretty voice and was pretty androgynous lmao, but again, no heartbreak when he went away)

Eventually, (funnily enough through fandoms and f/f ships and fics that depicted them in loving relationships, And I cried when I read about girls kissing too, at first I thought it was because I was a Good Straight Ally, but I was just a lesbian lmao) I realized that I could also be happy in a relationship with a woman, that it was not only a possible future for me, but one that I wanted, one that felt right, one in which I wouldn’t be the beautiful, perfect, feminine, smart, succesful career woman I had dreamed of as a kid, but in which I’d be me, with all my quirks and faults, with another woman with her own quirks and faults who’d love me for who I am, because that was possible! It was possible to be happy like that!. When I realized this, that me liking girls romantically and sexually, and exclusively girls was okay, it felt like a veil was lifted from my eyes. Suddenly, all the feelings and attraction I had thought I had felt for boys paled in comparison to the intensity of what I felt for women, I learned what actual sexual desire was like, I yearned for a future with a real me in it with a real woman by my side, instead of the fake ideal I’d wanted to be when I was younger. It was around that time I fell in love for the first time.

Remember how I mentioned the boy I used to “like” got a girlfriend? Well, guess who I fell for? Me and her were assigned seats together one year in high school, and I got to know her through the first term, every time liking her more and more, until one day, she just walks into class, and I think she did something different with her hair? Whatever it was, seeing her felt like someone punching the breath out of me, it felt like watching literal perfection embodied. And I was gone, I was just so so sooo gone. I felt sparks when we sat next to each other, I couldn’t stop smiling like a fool whenever I looked at her, she’d say something nice to me and it felt like my soul was flying out of my body. And of course it was idealized, it was a crush on a girl I didn’t know that well, but the feelings I had, I had for her, for her actual personality, her actual sweetness, her actual kindness, even her actual rashness sometimes, not the fantasy I had made up of her that I projected onto her like I did when I “liked” her boyfriend. I liked her as a person. Plus the intensity of both crushes was just so fucking different. When I liked her, I cried when we were apart and at the thought of her with her dumbass idiot boyfriend, I listened to a love song and could relate to it for the first time. I understood finally why people would write poetry and songs and do all sorts of crazy things for this feeling. 

Tldr: I also fantasized about the ideal boy and I was never able to allow myself to feel anything for a girl because of how much I had repressed my sexuality due to fear of backlash until I was able to recognize that yes, liking women was OK and then all my repressed feelings came pouring out like a tsunami. 

If that sounds like something you can kind of relate to, then that’s your answer anon. However, it might not be, or maybe you don’t know if it is yet. That’s alright! Sexuality can be complicated and it can take a long time to figure it out. You’re not on a deadline here, you don’t have to stress about it.

As for the normal part, yeah being a lesbian in this society sucks a lot. And I still get terrified of the idea that I will not be “normal” and that I can never be happy. Even if I know deep in my heart that I can never be happy with a man, sometimes I wonder if it’d be worth it to spare me the pain. The answer? Hell no, I’ve got one life, one, what’s the point of wasting it on loveless unfulfilled relationships when I could try to go for someone I’ll actually be happy with? There’ll be pain, of course there will be, I live in a small town and I’ve only just started meeting other lesbians & bi girls offline this year because I’ve gone to university, and I’ve only ever actually started talking to and becoming actual friends with the ones I knew online this year too because I was so terrified before! All of them tell me about their hurt, and how lesbophobia affects them a lot, and yet I see them talking about how much they love their girlfriends/wives (I don’t have that because I’m an awkward potato but I’m trying) and also other lesbians, and it gives me hope, because I can be just like them, finding genuine happiness amidst the pain.

I hope this answer helps you. 

Mod M :D